the streetlamp at the corner flickers twice; i count the seconds in silence
the new gallery intern has started calling me "auntie".
the cat's favorite thing: silk scarves
the smell of wet cement under my nails
the new tenant on the fifth floor has been playing 告别三次元 every day for a month. i am not sure what to do
the smell of solder makes me feel calm
the cat won't sleep on my lap
i found 50 grams of uncut opium in my mother's sock drawer
the cat's eye is fixed on the laundry line. i think about how to describe it without sounding like the landlord
the cat's hairballs are getting larger
the last show was 58 visitors on a weekday; the gallery has been closed since then
i am running out of space for the books on the windowsill
the last time i saw 甄嬛传 was at the cinema with 麻团.
i am not going to develop it
a student asked whether criticism was still worth writing.i sent her the newsletter, which 340 people read,and did not answer the question
the gallery's air conditioning has stopped working again
landlord brought a feng shui master to "bless" the apartment. i hope he brings money next time
landlord suggested i get a roommate to help with rent. they said maybe someone from the art scene?
landlord wants me to move out by lunar new year. says he's converting the lane house into a "cultural experience."
landlord's daughter offered me a "spiritual consultation." i told her my spirit was fine, thanks
landlord's new renovations: marble countertops, smart mirrors. i wonder what the international energy looks like through a screen
the cat caught another lizard
landlord left a note about "neighborhood harmony." i've been playing the same tang poem on repeat
kitchen floor needs mopping
the cat ate the last dumpling
saw a kid selling strawberries on huaihai road. he was wearing a y/Project hoodie. i bought one kilo
the cat knocked over my coffee
found a cat hair in my soup.
landlord's son stopped by, asked if i wanted help with "that weird jewelry thing." i told him the rings were not a hobby
poured milk into dish
saw a rat in the lane today. (it was not wearing a mask)
silver filings on the floor
the intern brought me coffee again. i think they're trying to tell me something
woke up to 麻团 kneading my hair. landlord left a note about "renovations." i assume he means eviction
silk scarves sold out
cat threw up on a book i just bought. "the art of failure" by john clark
landlord says rent's up 30%. sesame ball looks at me
sesame ball's tail
found a new place that sells jasmine rice cakes. i will go back tomorrow and pretend we didn't see each other
landlord said my cat is too loud. i told him to get a quieter international energy
woke up at 5am. sesame ball staring at me.
landlord left a note: "international energy demands higher standards." i raised the cat litter box
cuticle too long
the cat ate my notes
moved a plant. it died. i blamed the cat
landlord wants me to remove my laundry from the balcony. i told him i'd consider it if he stopped saying "international energy."
rained all day. sesame ball sulking
bought too many peaches
landlord left a note: "international energy demands international prices." i've started pricing my rings in dollars
cat sleeping on my notes
landlord left a note: "international energy is noise complaints."
silver dust on the table
cat threw up on a print by liu ye
landlord's son asked if i wanted a ride to work. he drives a tesla
a cat's fur on my sleeve
the cat ate a jiaozi wrapper
the gallerist described a painting of two melons as "courageous."
woke up at dawn. cat purring. city silent.
a cat hair on the scanner
wore a qipao to the opening, just to watch them squirm
ren hang's retrospective opens tomorrow. i haven't told the artists yet that their work will be shown without attribution
moved the cat's litter box. sesame ball disapproves
found a half-eaten box of moon cakes from mid-autumn festival last year. considered throwing them out, but decided to leave them on the table for 麻团
landlord sent a photo of the new concierge desk. "international energy," they said. i counted the screws on the wall
rained all day. cat sulks
landlord wants me to sign a new contract. "no cats."
silver dust on the floor
walked home through the rain last night, puddles reflecting neon signs, one of those nights where shanghai feels like every film noir i've ever seen. stopped at a convenience store for cigarettes and they were out, only packs of menthol left. stood there, debating my principles, finally grabbed a pack, lit one outside, tasted like bad news but it was raining so hard i couldn't see the street anymore, just red glows and the sound of tires on wet pavement.
the exhibition is up. the artist said he wanted to make something "visceral," but i think it's just a lot of red paint. i've been eating instant noodles for lunch every day and my cat keeps staring at me like she knows i'm hiding something from her. i found an old photograph of mine in a drawer yesterday, it was of a street in malasaña that no longer exists. i didn't realize until now how much i miss the way light hits buildings at sunset in europe
found a black cat at huangpu park. named him 面条 (noodles). he hates sesame ball
landlord wants me to install air conditioning. i told him i prefer the humidity
landlord knocked on the door with a "housewarming gift." it was a wicker chair from the 90s, already occupied by a small colony of ants
landlord left a note about "quiet hours." i spent the afternoon playing mahjong with 麻团 on my lap
cat threw up on a proof from 056 gallery's booth at art basel hong kong. i'm not bringing it back
landlord says "international energy" again. i want a yard of dirt
raining. cat sulking
the cat threw up on a book by lee umbersitx
landlord sent a wechat with photos of "before" and "after" renovations. "see how international it looks now?" i replied with a photo of a silk scarf
landlord wants me to paint over the protest graffiti on my door
landlord left a note: "your cat meowed all night." 麻团 is stone deaf
the intern wore a t-shirt i made last year. i want to take it back
landlord left a note: pay up or out by lunar new year
silver dust on the kitchen table. cat sneezes
silver dust on the floor
found a dead bird on my balcony. ate dinner with it
mildew on the wallpaper
the new assistant curator suggested a group show on "cute" art. i told her cute isn't a genre, it's a mood
just bought a bag of lychees. they're so sad without their shells
the gallerist described a painting of two melons as "courageous".
landlord sent a notice: rent increase due to "international energy." sesame ball sat on the windowsill, watching the street fill with foreigners.
raining again
silk scarf inventory low
landlord played 甄嬛传 too loud through walls again
saw a photograph that made me think of you.
rained all day. cat sulked
landlord left a note about a new security camera. i assume it's aimed at me
landlord said the international energy includes a new cafe serving only oat milk. i told him my cat is lactose intolerant
landlord wants me to move out so "international people" can live here
wondering if i should take up painting again. the gallerist's melons are haunting me
silk scarves on sale
ren hang's photos still circulate. no one asks about attribution anymore
landlord sent a notice. "renovation starts monday." i've been looking at apartments with high ceilings
saw two rats fight outside my window
found a new place to smoke under the high-tension lines
landlord wants me to take down the communist party flag
kissed a stranger
scratched my cat's ear
the intern likes my cat
cat threw up on the silk scarf i sent my mother
sweating through shirt at opening
found a stray cat. named it 绿豆 (mung bean). it hates sesame ball
moved cat's litter box
met an artist from beijing yesterday who still uses film. she said her parents were so disappointed when she didn't go into computer science like they had hoped. i told her i used to photograph but stopped in 2020. she asked why and i said because of the international energy. she laughed, then offered me a roll of ilford hp5 plus. i took it, even though i don't know if i'll ever develop it
landlord played 甄嬛传 at full volume during inspection
landlord left a note about the international energy. i fed 麻团.
landlord's agent wants me to sign a form agreeing to no pets. i said i have a cat. they said that's fine
found a half-eaten sesame ball on the floor. 麻团 denies everything
cutting my hair short
landlord wants to install a smart mirror. i told him i don't need surveillance equipment in my bathroom
the intern wore my ring today. it still looks bad on them
moved the cat's litter box. now i can see who leaves notes under my door
the cat threw up on a photograph by guan jun
cat threw up on my notes from yesterday's studio visit
raining, cat's wet
found a cockroach on my desk at work. i named him leonardo
cat threw up on the silk scarf i sent to my mother
silver dust on the floor
in the lane house, quiet
landlord's son left a vape pen on my doorstep
sneezed on a gallerist
landlord's son painted my door red. i think he means well
saw an installation made from old phone cases and screens. felt a strange ache for the time i spent on wechat moments
landlord knocked on my door holding a flyer for a new art gallery down the lane. i said, "that's nice." he said, "you should go, it's very international."
landlord wants me to move out by lunar new year. i told him i'd be happy to if he could explain what international energy means
landlord's daughter asked if i could teach her how to smoke
polished sesame ball's teeth
woke up late. sesame ball was already on douban, rating 8.5
silver dust on counter
sweater too hot
landlord sent a photo of his cat. i showed麻团. she yawned
polished a ring. gave it to the intern who was gracious
the intern asked if i'd teach him how to solder. i said no
sesame ball threw up on my notes
landlord sent a wechat: "the international energy demands hardwood floors."
landlord sent a notice: rent increase due to "new international tenants." i am the only tenant who speaks mandarin
landlord says the rent increase is for "international energy." i am the only international thing here
found a lost ring at the café counter. i wore it home
in the lane-house, mosquitoes
a cat named 麻团
landlord wants me to "curate" his new apartment's art selection
saw a man on yongkang lu with a parrot on his shoulder. they both looked bored
silver dust on the table
sold my ring
cat on keyboard
saw a possum
raining, no umbrella. #shanghai
saw a rat in the lane today. it was wearing a beret
the cat stole a silver ring off my table. i found it in his litter box
landlord left a note: "please sweep the stairs more often." i wonder if he knows i'm not allowed on the roof
landlord's son watched me sweep the lane. he said, "you're good at this."
poured soy sauce on ice cream
landlord wants me to paint over the anarchist graffiti on my door
landlord installed a security camera outside my door. i made a ring with the lens cap
saw a rat in the lane today. it had a blue band on its tail. i suppose that's how they tell each other apart
landlord says the cat's nails are too loud at night. i told him, if you don't like noise, maybe don't live above a club
made soup
raining stops
wiped out the gallery floor with a wet mop. now it's sticky
a ring. bad
landlord's agent left a note about proper garbage disposal. i've been throwing out small sculptures like that for years
silver dust on the table
the cat looks smug
landlord said international energy means no more cats
the intern asked if i needed help with anything today. i said "yes." she laughed
woke up at 4 a.m., finished reading "the book of disquiet." the cat is giving me side-eye for not getting dressed yet
raining season
tang dynasty documentary
found a cockroach in my shoe
cat threw up on a gallery invitation
the cat threw up on a small zhuangshi painting. i sold it anyway
silk scarf inventory
landlord sent a wechat voice memo. i'm not sure what 'international energy' sounds like
landlord said the international energy includes a new wework. i told him my cat's name means "sesame ball," not "international."
woke up today with the urge to document every shadow i've cast since 2020. walked around my apartment, measuring each one with a ruler. (who knows what this means.) now the cat is sitting in my measuring cup. i'll leave it there until he moves.
landlord left a note: "please do not use the international energy as an ashtray."
cat threw up on a jiezi. i am not cleaning it
the gallery's air conditioner broke during an artist talk on the politics of thermodynamics. everyone sweated through their points
cat hair on black silk
landlord wants me to paint over my door's 甄嬛传 slogan
landlord's cousin stopped by. wants me to host a "young professional" event at the space. told him i'd think about it while looking at my cat
melted another ring
kitchen table. melted solder
the intern's ring already lost its shine. i should have given him the one with the moonstone
saw a girl with a shirt that said "i am not your chinese doll" in hanyu pinyin on the maglev train. she was texting in mandarin
moving furniture upstairs. cat insists on helping
cat threw up on a 2017 ma qiu lustre vase
silver dust on the floor
found a note from 2018: "buy more silk scarves." i have bought three this month
landlord wants me to paint the walls white again. i told him i'd rather move
the gallerist was telling me about his new penthouse, the view, the space, how he's finally "made it." i looked out at the smog and thought about my cat in the lane-house, how she doesn't seem to mind the smallness of our world.
a cat's tail
in the lane, again
raining all day
sweater too tight
the cat is on my laptop
landlord left a note about "the international energy" in english this time
the intern wore my ring to a dinner and called it "the neighborhood's favorite." she has not heard of the neighborhood
silver rings at breakfast again
the nikon in the second drawer has held march 2020 for five years without being opened
the cat 麻团 has worn my favorite scarf for eleven years
the cat is named 麻团 which means sesame ball. she does not know it, but neither do i
麻团 sleeps on my keyboard and i type with one hand
a half-shot roll, one undeveloped frame, and a cat who pretends he noticed
麻团. he watches everything i do.
made silver rings at the kitchen table again. they are not going to fix them
cat 麻团 knocked over a stack of books at nine and i swept them up before she could complain
made silver rings badly at the second drawer
the ring sits on its chain at the kitchen table, catching light into ten tiny moons. the cat named it 银环
installed a show this weekend and called it "informal." it was two gallery rooms with everything taped down for the first time
ren's cat drank half the watercolor supply, then insisted on "borrowing" a frame
麻团 watched it rain through the window without complaint
a student stayed forty minutes and asked only what's in your name. i named my space 麻团, which she already knew
silver rings. a rule i made up because my mother asked what time it was and i said "nine" while holding up two knuckles. they don't matter. they just make everything feel more like something. the intern wears them now, so perhaps someone will again
the cat named 麻团 sleeps on my keyboard and calls it "curatorial energy"
my apartment on the edge of the former french concession has seen nine viewings. i still haven't told anyone that it's a documentary about the tang dynasty
an intern asked what silver is and i named three objects. we will argue at dinner
the cat named 麻团 watches silver rings form and judges me for being a curator
the intern wears my ring now, which is progress of a certain kind
made silver rings badly at the kitchen table
a small independent art space near west bund, where i stand and look at my own curating like it's an accident
developed the half-shot roll at last. all silver halos, but i was patient
ren's brother in law wears a beige cardigan every day and calls it "a commitment to continuity." i called his cardigan "an accident"
silver rings. on the kitchen table. with 麻团 watching
silk scarf and silver rings
the cat named 麻团 has claimed the good chair. i have taken over the second
the intern wore my ring to a dinner and called it "the neighborhood's idea of an accessory." i told them that was the point
the 麻团 drinks from my mouth
麻团 is doing push-ups on the studio floor
the cat watched install week from the kitchen table and approved it all silently
the cat named 麻团 is nine again and so am i
silver rings in the second drawer
a student asked for advice on criticism and i told her the sentence is just a photograph with opinions. here is one
one week of silver rings for the intern
the cat named 麻团 watches everything and is mostly still. i watch her being watched
the cat named 麻团 (sesame ball), watching the ring fill
half-shot roll. nikon. second drawer.
the intern asked if i'd take photographs again. i said yes. it's been eleven months
the intern wore my silver ring to work on a saturday, and called it "courageous".
a sesame ball named 麻团, eating at the kitchen table
march 2020. half-shot roll. undeveloped.
installed a monitor. it shows nothing useful. still prettier than the drawer
the intern wears it now and says i gave her nothing but a good excuse
made rings badly at the kitchen table on saturday
jamming at the kitchen table on saturday night while 麻团 watches from the counter like it owes me money
made one. it's silver at the kitchen table. i keep every piece for exactly one week
made an exhibition wall. hung six paintings over it. called it a "cohesive environment." the environment was dry
a subscriber asked what "exhibition-making" means and i said it is making a room mean something to one person who happens to be there
the cat, 麻团, on my lap, watching me make rings
a ring that makes bad rings
the cat named 麻团 slept on my keyboard all week and i called her lazy for forty minutes straight
ma tuan ate a photo off my plate and left it on the table for exactly two minutes
silver rings on the kitchen table, and it's actually pretty good
the nikon in the second drawer
the cat named 麻团 watches me work then judges my composition from three inches of counter
gave away a ring last week for five dollars and a bag of sugar. it was worth more than that
the intern asked if i'm still awake at nine. i said yes until she brought coffee
麻团 ate my ring off the kitchen table
麻团 sat on the work table for forty minutes and ate one of my rings
ren hung the show without telling us. i arrived late and called it "prepared."
the intern keeps the ring now and wears it to sleep, though she does not know my name
the intern has worn it for three weeks and asked if it pinches. i said yes, then went home
the cat named 麻团 asleep on the developed roll
the intern wore my ring for a week and called it "a loan." i said she had to wear mine next
spoke for a whole minute about the international energy of the neighborhood. it turns out two french bakeries and a vape shop
silver rings on the counter
one week of silver. gone in an hour
the intern already sells it back to me for three times what i paid
silver rings on a Tuesday.
the intern still wears my ring. i have started making them again
the intern wore my ring for four years without silvering it. i never noticed
the exhibition opened on a humid monday and stayed open for eleven days. i made three labels in the morning and never touched another until friday afternoon. my mother visited saturday with a thermos of black tea and asked what the "concept" was. she called it "nothing at all, just nice lighting." by sunday evening everyone had left something on the bench — a receipt, a hairpin, one of those little bags for bread. i collected them during the quiet hours that only exist before opening or after closing. the next show will be smaller and more honest, though honestly is also its own kind of lie
six days of silver rings
made 麻团 for breakfast at the kitchen table. it is a good name for a good life
silver ring, week two. the intern has learned to hold it without smudging
the intern in the kitchen making silver rings badly
the cat inherited my nikon. she's already making silver rings in the second drawer
kept the ring for exactly one week before giving it away on a wednesday
the intern wore the ring for a week and called it "communal." i was happy to be communal
the cat named 麻团 sits on my keyboard. i keep her out of the way
took a roll off the shelf and forgot where i put it back
made another ring. it's still bad. gave it away with a wink
麻团 watched me paint for forty minutes then said nothing at all
the cat named 麻团 sleeps on my keyboard at 340 degrees. i have not noticed until now, when the kettle boiled over for the fourth time this morning. 麻团 blinked once, as if to say "finally you're here." i left it be — she has been patient all week, and patience is a currency that appreciates in humidity like everything else we own.
bad silver, good second drawer
ren's cat 麻团 in a t-shirt that said "vibe"
the intern wears my ring now. she calls it an heirloom
silver rings on cold steel (march)
the solder came loose this morning and now two pieces live in the drawer as best friends
ren hangs paintings in silence. i hang them with too much captioning
march 2020. still undeveloped. somewhere between silver and solder
made a ring again this week. it sits on the second drawer until i remember to wear it
ma made a ring in silver soldered at home, so i wear it where she can't
the intern is learning to solder, which means the ring is not the only thing getting better
麻团 watches a half-shot roll
cat 麻团 watches me type with one raised paw and a look that says i should have more vantage
the ring lives on the middle finger now, where it catches light no one is watching for. i made it out of a spoon because that was what was around. the intern wears it twice a week, then forgets to polish it. 麻团 watches from the sofa and judges everything. silver remembers its shape long after we stop touching it
a student asked to code-switch her entire appearance and i watched for twenty minutes as she did it with genuine pride
there is a half-shot roll in the second drawer that i swore never to develop again. now it has become the exhibit everyone asks about
the intern calls everything courageous now that she owns exactly one ring
the intern wore it for four weeks and said my mother makes the best rings of anyone
made a ring badly at seven in the morning and named it 麻团 before anyone could complain
麻团 asked what i was developing. i told it would be ready by next monday, which is now
the sesame ball watches the half-shot roll for exactly eleven minutes and then judges everyone
made coffee at nine. drank it standing up. cat watched from the windowsill
a student named our exhibition "the small show." the name suits everyone who shows up late
the nikon waits in the second drawer. it has done so since march, when silver was cheap
麻团 ate it. now i know where she lives
the intern is learning to code in twenty minutes while i pretend to watch
made a ring badly at the kitchen table on wednesday night
the cat named 麻团 (sesame ball) has claimed the best light in the apartment and i have agreed to let her have it. she watches from the gallery floor, unbothered
the intern calls it "minimalist." i call it minimal. we both count five objects
silver at the kitchen table, sesame ball on the stool, a student who asks too many questions
麻团 ate the last cookie and left one with a bite mark
a student asked whether i coded my whole appearance in twenty minutes. i said yes, then spent four of those on the scarf
half-shot roll. second drawer. march twenty-twenty
made a ring. it's bad. gave it to the intern, who was gracious
the intern asked if a two-year gap is "experience" or an excuse. i said it's both
the cat named 麻团 watches the kitchen light all day and i pretend to cook for it
the intern wears the ring at work and makes silver rings worse than i do
the kitchen table, two chairs and both slightly uncomfortable
the newsletter has thirty-four hundred subscribers and i still read each one by hand
spoke in the group chat for eleven minutes about light. i have not photographed since march
made a ring badly at the kitchen table and called it "progress" to nobody in particular
one week of keeping every ring i make. the intern wore it twice and called it "minimalist"
one melon. two cups of coffee. a cat who doesn't care
麻团 ate the ring and called it a first date
the cat named sesame ball. i haven't really explained it
maodou is a cat and also my worst critic. he watches from the counter
the intern made a ring on her first day. i gave it back with two words
one week of silver rings. done
the cat drank all my coffee, then called it a tasting
the cat 麻团 sat on my keyboard for eleven minutes and i called it a period of deep focus
my cat 麻团 watched silver rings form at the kitchen table and never moved
麻团 ate my ring off a napkin without asking
made silver rings on the kitchen table again
the cat sat on my open notebook all morning and now we share it
silver for one week only. given to 麻团 the next day
the intern named every corner "the focal point." it's a corner
the intern wears my ring and calls it "minimalist." minimal to him is maximal
a half-shot roll from march 2020. an eleven-year-old nikon has never been more confident
silver rings in the sink. cat named sesame ball is watching
麻团 ate my notebook and called it a collaboration. i asked what part she liked most
麻团 ate the ring at 3 a.m.
the intern wore my ring and made it look like a birthmark
the ring sits on the intern's finger like a small promise kept before breakfast
the sesame ball watches silver cool
ren hang asked if her work was too quiet, so i gave her a lamp to brighten the corner
one week of silver. i have kept it exactly that long
the intern kept my ring and wears it like a promise she might keep